Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

So I didn’t like this book.  I gave it 1 star.  It was satire and I tend to take books more on face value, so while I get what it was trying to do, it missed the mark with me.  In the middle of reading, I thought I would compile a list of everything I thought while I was reading as a sort-of ‘livestreaming’ of my experience.  This is similar to my ‘How do you review’ posts.  Spoilers ahead, obviously.  

Book has a trigger warning for self harm.

Just because I didn’t like this book, doesn’t mean that you won’t!  I could still recognize that is was humorous, and taking the piss at other novels and tropes, it just didn’t work for me.  However, there were many good lines and messages even still in this novel.

-another book with annoying footnotes
-realistic yet not?
-puns: Roland Me’sognie
-only people that survived the crash were the teens? suuuuure
-hoping for an utter trash book that I also happened to like, if only a little, this is too satirical and far-fetched/extreme for my tastes
-slut shaming
-everyone is an airhead but the MC…
-the first time you played dress up was when you were 8? I’m pretty sure 90% of kids do this at least once by the time they are 4. 
-author knows when to throw in a curve-ball because the reader audience is bored and about to give up
-crawling out of a snake is totally realistic, not
-at point number two of wanting to stop reading this trash author sprinkles a bit of diversity plot pot to spruce up the story. Sadly, it worked?
-I’m now hate-reading this just for a bullet point list of things I hate about this book. The things I do for a blog post
-I’m switching to dual reading and audiobooking to get through this faster and less painfully, also because people said it was better on audiobook? they lied btw
-lets give every girl a secret, just cuz
-Know what this book needs? extended scenes of four teens on acid trips. Because of course it does. Don’t worry, there are endless pages of their hallucinations to keep you ‘entertained’
-and back to super secret corporation stuff TM to wake you up after your eye glossed over with that other BS
-full on live tweeting now
-author: *inserts random trans character for shock and awe now*
-“even when we make the pee-pee”
-they all manage to somehow know enough survival stuff to stay alive for weeks?
-let’s start dancing right after you bitched about only wanting to hunt atm, because that makes complete sense
-coconuts are reallllly hard to open without proper tools
-random machete pops up
-there are some good messages in this book, but they are shoved down your throat
-the talk about always saying sorry is an important one, however, and less awkward then the other messages
-the girl talk was actually quite nice
-the words used to describe the scenery reflect the current tone of the chapter, which is kinda neat
-and the run of nice things to say about this books was ruined with an extended dream sequence about sexy pirates
-or maybe it wasn’t a dream?  I’m confused now but not interested enough to actually go back and figure it out, also that might have actually been the point (the being confused)
-damn I thought I was half done, but I math’ed wrong and I’m less than that.  This book is dragging and needs to hurry up!
-I can see what this book is trying to do but the way it’s doing it is missing its mark with me
-quicksand doesn’t work that way
-wait, what happened to the girl with the food tray embedded in her head?  Haven’t heard about her in a while…maybe she died of sepsis like any normal person in real life would have by now
-I just noticed, this post draft url is 6969 and it’s amusing me
-…..a black woman liking country music? that’s……highly unlikely since it’s stereotypically bland white people music
-the name Fabio Testosterone still irritates me and amuses me
-you can’t kick a coconut open
-“Aren’t you supposed to be saving yourself?”[in reference to sex and marriage]
“Yeah, and then I thought, for what? You save leftovers. My sex is a leftover, and it’s not a Christmas present” <excellent line
-computers on a pirate ship that is modelled off of an 18th century ship that had sails and cannons??
-lets throw teen boy pirates in this because #drama
-still not really a plot to this whole book and since I’m not interested in any of the characters this is a painful read
-book just used the ‘not like others girls’ line and broke me to pieces, if I could remove a star from an already 1 star book I would do it now.
-author trying to make her characters have depth but I’m over this book at this point and I just don’t care much
-random sex scene, but I guess it has a good message about consent, pregnancy and pressure
-girl who never falls in love/never wants to fall in love falls in love in a day, how creative
-this book is dragging
-I can’t take a girl with the name Tiara seriously
-and sexy times was just a plot device to show how shitty boys are and other gross things
-I’m listening to this on two times normal speed and it’s still taking forever
-piranhas don’t eat people
-still want to know about the food tray girl
-also we are 80% in and at least 2 of the girls never got names
-wait, where did Arkansas come from??
-oh now they have names!  Also it was 4 unnamed people, just identified by states
-lets give them the same name to excuse the fact that we haven’t given them a name up until now!
-“you try to kill us, we defend ourselves and we get called bitches?” <also good line
-there are no pages breaks in this book and it’s really fucking annoying having to expend so much energy to keep up with where we are and who we are with, which this book switched constantly
-in the middle of not dying by being shot at but lets take about our breakup one more time as we stand in the middle of the woods with men shooting at us
-terrible copy-edit mistake there, MC was in two places at once!
-that ending was cute
-I SURVIVED!!!

PS: spelling is likely weird in this post as spellchecker was being a dick.  

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